An Obvious Fact

As the terror that I am unfortunately forced to call my older brother continues to point out, I have no life. And yeah, that's true. I don't have a life. I don't go outside, I don't hang out with my friends, and I don't go to the mall or anything, like a normal teenager does. Plus, I talk to the same couple of people everyday.

But I'm happy with that. I don't want to go to crazy parties or anything like that. It's just not me.

And that's what he can't seem to get. And so, I'm forced to listen to him rant on and on and on about how I'm a fatty who has no life and no friends and is never going to make it in the world.

And the funny thing is, he's a nobody himself! He's just managed to convince himself that he's "cool" or "popular" when everyone knows he's too much of a sexist jerk for anyone to be able to like him. He thinks he's like..God's gift to the world, when I know for a fact there are a good amount of people (myself included) who would willingly line up to get a chance to punch him in the face.


It's called delusions of grandeur. It's a serious problem. Seek help. XD

Happy Veteran's Day!

Heyy, guys~

Yeah, I know I said previously that I'd be updating this old thing more often, but..yeah. (I lost my goal of pounds for October, so that's good, right?)

Aaanyhoozles, so today is Veteran's day. Schools had the day off and all, and I'm just writing this to say thanks to all those Veterans out there who aren't reading my blog.

*shrug* hey, I know this is here. that's all that matters, right? XD

Let's get physical~!!

Heyo~! So, as many of you may have assumed and/or already know, I'm on the fatter side of life, and last night whilst I was washing my hair, I decided on something.

Starting next month, I will be on a 8 month diet. This means I will be doing my best to eat healthy, exercise, etc. Each month, I will be shooting for dropping at least 5 lbs, which I'm hoping is do able. I'll probably be updating my blog at the end of each week until May 1st, with my weight at the beginning of the week and my weight at the end. That way, I'll be able to keep track of my weight, and I'm hoping that putting a record of my fatness in a blog will motivate me to work harder to lose weight.

This is actually a pretty big step for me, because I've been trying to lose weight for a while now, but I've always given up halfway through. I'm hoping that by setting some sort of goal and time to lose it by, it'll make it easier for me to actually succeed this time. Besides, by planning it out now, I might be able to look semi-nice during the summer, and with the temperatures starting to cool off to where it's a little more tolerable to actually get outside and do physical activity.

As a part of this diet blogging, I'm also going to be making a play list of good songs to work out, and I'll be posting results of my research that I'll be doing in order to find good recipes, work out routines, etc. Hopefully, if anyone who reads this who actually needs to lose weight, they'll be able to join me on my little 8 month journey! Wish me luck!

Oh sweet baby rays..

(a.k.a: Jeez louise, boys, I know I'm sexy but lay off please.)


Alright, let's start off with saying that I am a freshman. This puts me between a 12-15 year age range, making me fairly young.

Therefore, wouldn't you think it a little odd that a senior would ask me out 3 weeks after I met him?

Me too.


He asked me last night on facebook, so it was awkward, but not nearly as awkward as it could have been, had he asked me face to face. Personally, I thought I turned him down semi-well. No, I didn't just say 'No, I'm not going out.'

Did I possibly give him false hope? Maybe. I do like him after all, but it is not my intention to string him along. However, he supposedly understood that I was not interested in a relationship at the moment. He even said there were no hurt feelings, so I was feeling pretty good that I'd done a good job with my first refusal of a relationship.


..Until he said something about me being his woman. Now, I can understand that a large part of this is probably my fault, seeing as I did not give him a definite no. That is a boo boo on my part, and I completely admit to this. But, if you say 'Oh, no I understand, no hurt feelings!' One would think that you get the fact that the other person is not interested in being your woman at the moment. Just a thought, ya know. *shrug* maybe not.

On a completely different note, HOLY CRAP I POSTED TWO BLOGS WITHIN TWO DAYS OF EACH OTHER. KEEP A FIRE EXTINGUISHER NEAR BY IN CASE OF SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION.

I'm not a very good blogger am I..

Looking at the amount of blogs, I must say I'm not exactly the best at blogging..
My last one was August 24, which means I am doing slightly better in the blogging department since it hasn't yet been an entire month. Therefore, I'm doing fairly well.
..Conveniently ignore that I'm only 3 days away from my monthly limit. :D

Anyhoo, I have not been on in a while because once again, I have started school. Highschool, to be exact.

Let's just say that being a freshman kiinda sucks. It's common knowledge, I suppose.


However, my highschool is huge! It's pretty easy to get lost, man. Waaay too many turns. I'm doing pretty well, though..

As you can probably tell, no, I have NOT installed my tablet yet. However, I have my speakers, and webcam set up now, and I'll be setting up my second monitor so that my desk will look like a ghetto version of the pentagon. I'll feel pretty dang special. I also will be cleaning my room out again  (it's pretty scary. I have no idea where half this crap comes from anymore.) then I'll be looking for a place to put my brother's old stereo so that it will be in range of my bed, normal desk, art desk, AND my half chest of drawers half make up table (without the lights, but not for long. I'll probably start messing around with some circuits and light bulbs to fix that problem). After all that is done, which, knowing me, will take around 2 months, I'll probably get around to setting up my tablet again so that my blogs aren't so boring. After that, it'll be Christmas, and I'll have to clean this room ALL OVER AGAIN.

It's a never ending cycle of cleaning products and large trash bags Q.Q

Epiphany

Now, I know I said I was going to post a blog involving unicorns and a rainbow ninja, however, due to lightning striking my house and ANNIHILATING my freaking computer, I am unable to upload the pictures I drew for the blog, and that kind of blog DEMANDS pictures. Of course, I COULD just install my tablet onto this laptop that is currently serving as a temporary replacement for my dearest Sandra (may she RIP), however, as I've said before, I'm lazy.. Deal with it.

Despite the fact that I could post a blog about the lightning strike and the earthquake that hit my house within two days of each other and the hurricane that is currently heading towards it, I won't be doing that. That can wait. Or..just not happen at all. ..It probably won't happen. Just sayin.

No, today's blog will be on a thought I had whilst taking a poo. After all, I tend to get wonderful epiphanies whilst I am in the process of pooing. It's a quirk.

Now, as many of my friends/family know, I am fat. It shouldn't surprise any of you readers, either, seeing as I have said before that I am lazy, and..well..let's face it, I'm a huge nerd. I can pretty much safely assume that most of you ever so few readers have come to the conclusion that I am a fat lonely teenager who has nothing better to do than draw craptastic pictures to put in her craptastic blog.
And you are completely and totally right.

However, upon looking into the mirror this morning and seeing my fat self in a pair of booty shorts and a mickey tee-shirt I realized that, yes, I am fat, and I could really do well if I lost some weight. But I'm not going to stress out over my weight like some of my other..heavier friends do. Yes, I will diet and try to exercise a little more, but I'm not going to beat myself up over another failed diet. And why should I? After all, isn't life just one big trial and error? Yes, I'll try again, but if I fail at a diet, I'm not going into a big ol depression and start thinking that I'll die fat and alone (even though, yes, I probably will, I have no real problem with that). And in between those failed diets, I won't stare in the mirror and call myself a fatty, like I know some of my friends do, and I myself have done in the past. I will look in the mirror and say "hey, at least I'm huggable.'

Because really, wouldn't you rather hug someone squishy than someone who barely has any fat on them and it kind of bony?
Not that I'm promoting being fat. It's not good for your health. However, I will say this: fat chicks have more fun. Because, after a while, we stop caring how bad we look and we just go for it man.

Because we're just that awesome :)

How a magazine article can change your view

..I'm sorry to say that I really can't figure out a good hook for this (..when did blogging become like English class, anyway?), so I'm just gonna jump right in and hope it comes out like I want it to.

Alright, so my Nana died November 30. 2010. For most people who know me, this is old news. However, since then, I've been pretty dang depressed. That's to be expected, I realize that. After all, we all grieve in our own ways, and we all grieve for different amounts of time.

However, I've just been sitting in this dark room and feeling sorry for myself ever since she died (..well, I go to school and hang out with my friends every once-in-a-while.).

Yet, today, I got my magazine, as per the usual, Discovery Girl. Yes, it's a girl's magazine that I've probably outgrown. I don't care. :P

Nonetheless, I read an article titled 'Losing My Nana'. It basically was the story of a girl who lost her Nana, and went throught the process of grieving, and her grades started dropping, yadda yadda, and how she got through it. I, being the ever-so-curious teenager I am, read through the thing, and was surprised to read that there are people out there going through situations similar to mine. (..I know..Kinda late to that realization..)

However, as with everything, there were some key differences between our stories. (..This is probably very repetitive for my actual friends who have had to read this like..8 times before or somehting. Whatever.)

Nana was my second mother, since my parents had to work all of the time. For the longest time, I saw her more than I saw my actual parents, and even after my parents finally got their lives together, I saw her quite often. I had grown very accustomed to having her in my everyday life. I learned so much from her, including how to be who I am. Because of her, I am who I am today. Without her, I could be one of those people who has no idea how to express themselves, you know..one of the boring people in the world.

..moving along..

So, after I'd known her for basically my whole freakin' life, she got really sick. She was in and out of the hospital, and..well..it wasn't fun. At all. But she'd started getting better around last July, so we'd all though that it was just a scare, and she was alright. I'd went back to her house for a belated birthday dinner, and all was fine, until she and I sat down together. 'For a talk' she said.

She'd told me that she didn't have much longer to live, and that she'd wanted me to have a snowglobe that we'd bought her whilst we were visiting my Grandmother in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. I didn't want to hear any of that, so I changed the subject, because even the thought of not having Nana in my life was just..unthinkable. Wrong somehow. I didn't think I'd ever lose her. She was like...like superman, except she had no weakness, no kryptonite.

..Well, after that, she'd gotten back in the hospital. She was bleeding out on the inside, and they couldn't help her. Thanksgiving day, we went to see her in the hospital, to wish her a happy thanksgiving and whatnot. She was having trouble breathing and she couldn't really think straight. The only thing I could do for her was put on her socks becuase her feet were cold and talk to her a little. When we left, all I said to her was 'See y'all later! Get better, now Nana, you hear?'

That was the last time I ever saw or spoke to her again. Five days later, Papa made the choice to take her off of life support and let her go.

After that, I suppose, I was angry. Angry at my mother for not letting me see Nana, angry at my brother for being able to visit her more, and angry at the world for everything it seemed to be doing wrong. I was even angry at a God that I wasn't even sure I believed in. The next day at school, I told two of my favorite teachers what happened, broke down in tears, and had to have a good friend of mine, Aaron, escort me to my homeroom and fend off the people who were swarming around me to ask me what was wrong. (I'll never forget that. Aaron, if you're out there reading this, I'm eternally grateful to you for that) I was a mess, and I never really got over it.

I tried though. Lord knows I tried. However, I was just too messed up. I went to her funeral, I saw her body in the cascet, and I gave tissues to my older brother who cried tears for the both of us.

And, I tried to move on with my life.

Sadly, I wasn't able to really be able to do that. I had to start seeing my Guidance counselor every other couple of days so he could see what was up. It was not fun, and I was not a happy child. Of course, there were those moments, and sometimes even those days when I felt that I was okay, and that I would make it through everything. Then again, there were those moments when I felt like the world was coming down on me and I just had to cry my eyes out. I was on what my Guidance Counselor, Mr. Fritz, called an 'emotional rollercoaster'.

It was painful, but I couldn't bear to let my friends see what I was going through. What kind of friend would I be? That's what I thought. So I just suffered quietly. It was easier that way..

Well, now, I think I can really make it. I can't just sit around all day and feel miserable. She's gone, I realize that. I realize I won't be able to talk to her, or hug her, or tell her I love her. But I can wear her necklace and remember all the funny talks we had. I can search for the comfort I need. Why, just yesterday, I bought a cross. Maybe I'll try out my religion again, see if that helps.

Nonetheless, I need to get a move on with my life. Time waits for no man, and he doth not wait for me. (yeah, I altered it. Deal with it)
Besides, I know that's what my Nana would want. She wouldn't want me to hurt like this.

And so, my few readers, a message to you. No matter what you're going through, know that you're going to make it. Even if it sounds like a way over done halmark card with half the glitter missing and a sucky illustration, it's true. We're human beings. We're meant to get through these things. After all, we can't live forever, and when you really think about it, who would want to? Live your life in their memory, and lift your head and just smile. Smile, smile, smile and smile some more, and laugh, and joke, and remember the good times. And every-once-in-a-while, go to that nice isolated corner, and cry. That's fine. It's totally cool.

And feel happy again. Talk to your friends, buy a huge mountain of stuffed animals, and discover a new love for extreme-hyped-up-happier-than-a-room-full-of-kittens music. Watch anime, if that helps you (Hetalia lightens the soul, my friends)

And hey, if it helps, I'm here for you. I might not know you, persay, but hey. You wanna talk? Send me a message. Email me. Whatever helps you.

I'm helping myself, and I'm helping you.

..Weird..my original idea for my next blog was going to be about a rainbow ninja. I guess I'll save that one for next time.

Asta la pasta! :D