Girl-scout cookies are evil

And if you disagree with this, then you are obviously too blind to see what's going on in front of you.
But for the sake of your poor, confused souls, I will explain my reasons for saying this.

Firstly, I have believe this theory for a while, however, it was recently brought back to the front of my mind because of my brother and father going out and buying the stupid things. But..how are they evil, you ask?

..I'm ashamed that you must ask. I truly am.

Nonetheless, I shall take time out of my not-so-busy day to explain this simple concept to you, in hopes that you will take my words of warning to heart..Now..Let's begin.

First off, Girl Scouts themselves are very evil little girls. Truly. They have sick, twisted ideas of world domination, where all innocent civilians will be forced to do their bidding, without hesitance or thought. But, for those strong minded indviduals who choose not to aid in their plan of world domination, the Head Girl Scouts get new, seemingly innocent girls to sell their evil cookies. But who in the world would accuse these adorable little girls of such an evil, masterful plot?
And that's how it all starts. The naive assumation that these little girls want to cause you no harm, and are simply trying to sell some cookies. Your first mistake is falling for this trap.


And so, you go to this innocent looking girl, who asks you with sunshine practically LEAKING out of her every pore, if you would like to buy some cookies. And you, you unsuspecting fool, fall for her trap. You buy the gosh darn cookies.

But once again, she's just a harmless little girl, right? She'd never hurt anyone, she's just trying to sell some cookies! WRONG.
Because she's not a little girl at all. No, she's an evil alien, mind controlled worker that the head Girl Scouts hired to sell their cookies, and her true form is only revealed once you have eaten enough cookies and she has you under her power..

But if only you had known!! And now..You are her minion. You have consumed her evil mind-control cookies.
You have lost the game.

And yet..that is not all that has come from this evil plot of world domination through cookies. For the Girl Scouts are not the only ones who dream of a world that is their own.No..There are others.

For, the Girl Scouts too have their enemies..and of their many enemies, their top nemisis is The Team. The Team has no true name, preferring to go by the very vague, and extremely mysterious name of The Team. Who is The Team, you ask?
Why, they are all of the shopping carts, goldfish, and cows of the world. You are confused now. Why would shopping carts, goldfish, and cows try to take over the world?
Well, why not?!
After all, if no one suspects a little girl selling cookies, why would the suspect a shopping device, a barn animal, and an every day family pet?
But they are evil. And that is why you don't suspect them. They are so evil, they can go under the radar that you didn't even know was there.

But what is their actual reason, you ask? REVENGE. It is the name of The Team's game. They like revenge, and they want to take it out on the world.
After all, the shopping carts are TIRED of constantly being pushed around and having things put in them!
Cows are done with being violated, and having their nipples tugged for their milk!
Goldfish are fed up with little kids constantly tapping on the mother fricking glass!

..And there is nothing you can do to stop them. And, if you were smart enough to avoid the Girl Scout cookies like the plauge, you'll be able to witness the epic battle between The Team and the Girl Scouts.


...The moral of this story: DON'T EAT THE FREAKING COOKIES FOOL!

May I now take the time to say that none of this should be taken too seriously, and any likeliness to any person living or dead is purely coincidental. Please also note that this is NOT any kind of hate towards the girl scouts or cows, shopping carts, and/or goldfish, and this was made purely for entertainment purposes.